NFL Wild Card Round – Bring on Philly

It seems like everybody (including locally) is picking your NFC North Division Champs to fold this weekend.  Let’s not forget that the Eagles are the same offense that put up 3 points against Washington the previous week!  Just because they simply manhandled the Simpson-handler and his offense last week doesn’t mean they’re back.  When Philly goes away from the run their offense doesn’t function well and last I checked our beloved purple are the best team in the NFL at stopping the run.  Also…Williams Wall is back at full strength.  Buckhalter and Westbrook are going to be non-factors inside the tackles. The Vikings are 6-2 at home this season.  The Dome field advantage will be as loud as ever and we’re off to pummel the Carolina Panthers for the second time this season next week.

How can you not be exited about this team’s chances at making a Super Bowl run?!  You’ve got the most explosive player in the game in the backfield, an improving quarterback under center, a wide-out who stretches the field and a tight end in the middle of the field who births baby elephants(I think I see a trunk!).  The spike in publicity has led to more production for Visante since Peter Jackson cast his dick as the Empire State building in the remake of King Kong.   I see this game as a lock.  Final score:  Vikings 24 Eagles 17

On a side note:  If the game is blacked out due to poor ticket sales (11,000 to go at this time) then all of the negativity in this market needs to turn from Mustache #1 to the fan base.    Ante up and support your team!

My Wild Card Weekend Predictions:

Atlanta over Arizona

We saw Arizona implode first hand again our beloved Purple.  Warner wife’s will undoubtedbly get the flat top back play in playoff form but this team is done.  Atlanta’s running game will simply dominate this gone.

Indy over San Diego

Much like sideline reporters, NBA big men, and porn stars, running backs over 30 lose it and LT has proven it this year.  It’s simple, if Indy has Bob Sanders and Peyton they’re a threat to lose the AFC Championship EVERY season.

Ravens over Miami

Ray Lewis has beat the shit out of so many teams the last few years he’s now medically classified as a laxative.

Madden Curse Intact

22 touchdowns and 22 interceptions including a 61 QB rating in the last 5 games.  Let’s take a look at the history of the covers:

2009 – Favre:  Arm of Jamie Moyer the last 5 weeks of the season

2008 – Vince Young:  9 TD’s 17 INT’s and lost his mind then job to Kerry “Cocktail” Collins.  Curse intact.

2007 – Shaun Alexander:  896 Yards and 7 TDs were lowest since his rookie year.  He missed 6 games due to injury and was never the same.  Curse intact.

2006 – Donovan McNabb:  Missed last 7 weeks with sports hernia and Eagles missed the playoff for first time since 1999.  He was also later ripped limb from limb by the Vikings in the 2008 NFL playoffs.  Severed head given skullet and lines by Jared Allen.  Curse intact.

2005 – Ray Lewis:  Missed one game due to injury and didn’t record an interception for the first time in his career.  This is as close as it gets to beating the curse but it is Ray Lewis afterall.  Ray Lewis is also the only man who prefers to wear his shirts while ironing them, eat a Rubix cube and crap it our solved,  and may also be the original black Power Ranger.

2004 – Mike Vick:  Suffered leg injury in preseason and missed the first 11 games of the season.  He spent a majority of his off-time working on other business ventures.  Curse intact.

2003 – Marshall Faulk:  953 Yds and 8 TD’s.  Worst season since 1999.  Marshall now has to work with Warren Sapp on NFL Network.  Curse intact. 

2002 – Daunte Culpepper: Missed 4 games with an injury and saw TD passes drop from 33 to 14.  He is now the starting QB for the Lions to top it off.  Curse intact.

2001 – Eddie George:  Had his first sub 1,000 yard and only 5 Td’s in 2001.  Curse begins.

2000 – Barry Sanders (featured in background):  Retired (and stayed retired) prior to the season.  Barry knew what was coming.

The Year of T-Jack begins a month early

I have always thought that Tarvaris was where third downs went to die but after 6 quarters I’m patiently optimistic.  I’m not sure if we’ve been witness to a turning point in the season and career of Tarvaris or yet another Minnesota sports build’em up only to tear them down.  I’m hopeful but resistant to say T-Jack has learned anything in his time riding the much needed pine.

For me the best throw of the week is a toss-up between his shoulder fake on the Wade TD and the Iraqi guy throwing his shoe at Bush. I couldn’t have been more suprised Sunday by a 4 TD performance out of Jackson if my dog had greeted me after his morning glory by speaking Spanish. 4 TD’s?!?! Are you kidding me?! But to be fair his success was against Detroilet and Arizona. Atlanta is a little bit more of a test so let’s hope this is for real and clinch a week early to give everybody a week off to heal up that needs it.

 

P.S.

I would be remiss if I didn’t address the 99 championship game. I still shake almost uncontrollably when I see Vikings vs. Falcons but who can blame me? I really hope Jared Allen hits Matt Ryan so hard Morten Anderson’s mother has heart problems.

Put it away Visante

KFAN, AT&T, and the Minnesota Vikings have been doing onsite broadcasts for almost 2 years but that may come to a screeching hault after the most recent broadcast from the Roseville AT&T store.  The visit that has sparked the most publicity included Visante Shiancoe and Paul Allen.

“I addressed him before we went on the air and told him I didn’t think it was in good taste and just a good idea in general,” said Paul Allen, radio personality of KFAN.  Visante had a different take.  “After all the publicity I’ve been getting over the locker room clip my agent said I could use this new found publicity to my advantage,” said Shiancoe.   After his recent over-exposure during a locker room post-game video clip Visante has been the guest on national television and radio spots. 

Store Manager of the Roseville location Bryce Peterson didn’t see the boost in sales that normally accompany an onsite broadcast like this.  “It was just really weird.  I mean… he was wearing pants so it wasn’t like it was an accident like the whole locker room thing.  He just let his flag fly in the store!  He was still taking pictures and talking with customers like it was totally normal.  Needless to say after he played with the touchscreen phones we had to take them off the salesfloor. ”

“I think I saw him feed it a peanut,” said AT&T marketing coordinator Chris Handrahan.

this guy doesn't even watch football...

It touched me – Bryce

...and then things just got weird

The Full Monty

The often criticized tight end of the Vikings finally got some national media exposure after a truly great game against the Detroit Lions.

Side note: yahoo fantasy sports is stating that visante shiancoe has been picked up by 90%of female owned fantasy football teams.

Back on the job

Sorry for the delay. After a disappointing game against the white sox I went into an alcoholic coma. I apologize for the hiatus but I’m back at it.

During my time off I had a chance to work with some of the executives in the timberwolves organization.

Timberwolves Directors of Player Development